paro

**** trigger warning: mentions of suicide **** Sunday, 21st August, 2.30 a.m. I had finally decided that I wanted to die. There wasn't a single doubt left, not a crumb of desire to live, not a single thought that could change my mind.  I'd found myself here a lot of times in the past ten years, but there would always be something stopping me from actually doing it, mainly that I didn't want to hurt the people who loved me. But this time, even that wasn't enough. I simply didn't care anymore. All I knew was that I was so god damn tired, and I wanted to die, I had to die.  I poured the pills into my hands, staring at them for a few seconds. I looked up and figured I had nothing to lose, so I spoke to the void and asked for a sign.  "If I'm not meant to do this, show me a sign. Anything." Nothing.  And i'd have expected nothing less from exactly that; a void. I put them all in my mouth. The last time I was here, I had spit them back out. But not this...

*click* I watched his subtle grin as the whirring sounds of the polaroid camera printing out the picture he just took blended with the chirping in the air of the park we were at. He sets the film and camera aside and lies down next to me on the grass, both of us staring at the clear blue sky. "What do you think you got out of this?" I turn my head to look at him. "This?" I echoed. "Yeah." He turns over too, resting his face on the palm of his hand, his eyes studying my face.  "This. Us. You know how everyone is a lesson or something like that," he said and paused for a bit before continuing,  "What do you think our time together has taught you?" ********* I'd say it taught me to be grateful. Like, genuinely grateful.  No matter what, i'll always be grateful for you, for meeting you, for getting to love you. I always am, for everyone I fall for, but somehow, especially you. You came at a time where I really had it stuck in my hea...