kenzo

*click*

I watched his subtle grin as the whirring sounds of the polaroid camera printing out the picture he just took blended with the chirping in the air of the park we were at.

He sets the film and camera aside and lies down next to me on the grass, both of us staring at the clear blue sky.

"What do you think you got out of this?"

I turn my head to look at him. "This?" I echoed.

"Yeah." He turns over too, resting his face on the palm of his hand, his eyes studying my face. 

"This. Us. You know how everyone is a lesson or something like that," he said and paused for a bit before continuing, 

"What do you think our time together has taught you?"

*********

I'd say it taught me to be grateful. Like, genuinely grateful. 

No matter what, i'll always be grateful for you, for meeting you, for getting to love you. I always am, for everyone I fall for, but somehow, especially you.

You came at a time where I really had it stuck in my head, this skewed perspective of love. That it'll always disappoint, that it's something I have to be worthy of. That love was always vicious and painful. I definitely didn't think I would end up falling for you, after trying my best just to keep it casual and cool (which is very unlike me)

But I did anyway. And I've had so much fun. And learnt so much.

Loving you, and being loved by you, has taught me that love is not cruel, it is kind. Love is honest without any intention to maim. Love is never harsh. Love is...feeling heard and seen. It's respecting space and boundaries and talking things out without the need to argue. Love loves regardless of whether you're worthy of it or not. Love is caring for each other without needing to keep track of who's done more for the other.

Our time together has also taught me so much more about myself. I never really thought I could ever balance my overwhelming need to be there with or for my loved one with my need for time for myself. I always thought it was one or the other, but not with you. You taught me that I can still exist on my own and still be loved. That may seem like an incredibly basic thing to know but I really don't think I truly knew that or fathomed it before you. 

Whatever ending we're destined to have, I'm so grateful to know that I had a love like this. That I'm capable of it and capable of being loved, like this. 

I'm grateful for us, and whatever we may  turn out to be.