15!
Hello!
Finally 15. Nothing particularly big has changed, i literally expected something weird to happen when i woke up today. Idk, maybe a big bang? Fireworks saying "CONGRATS YOU'RE FIFTEEN"? Haha. Zaharah was the first to wish me, which was awesome. and yeah. it was a good day. Alhamdulillah. Another year of being alive. Although i dont see what's so celebratory about that. I didn't get cake, which was quite disappointing. But i got presents and most of the people i care about remembered, which is the most important thing in the end.
I just keep thinking, holy shit, i'm a year closer to finishing school forever. and then college, and work, and possibly falling in love and getting babies and all that jiz. The idea of all that being a mere two years away is just terrifying! I wish i didn't have to grow up at all. Most teens can't wait to get out of the house and work and be independent and stuff but honestly, I'm so scared of being alone. Out there. In the real world. Where people will do anything for money and when friends can turn into enemies. I just want to stay a child, you know, when we felt like the world couldnt touch us and the darkness of everything around us never tainted us. I miss that. A year ago, i was a girl who was completely random and i didnt really have so much self hate then. And now, a year later, look at me now. Maybe the same person on the outside but on the inside, it's just so crazy. I don't feel the same anymore. So much so that i can't even remember what it was like to be truly happy. Which is horrifying. And this is just teenhood. Imagine being an adult and having to go through so much more shit than we do now. Being screamed at by the boss, not being able to make enough money, things like that. My problems right now look so much more pettier than the problems of an adult.
Which is sad.
Well...i can't really think of anything else to post. so toodledoos!
Finally 15. Nothing particularly big has changed, i literally expected something weird to happen when i woke up today. Idk, maybe a big bang? Fireworks saying "CONGRATS YOU'RE FIFTEEN"? Haha. Zaharah was the first to wish me, which was awesome. and yeah. it was a good day. Alhamdulillah. Another year of being alive. Although i dont see what's so celebratory about that. I didn't get cake, which was quite disappointing. But i got presents and most of the people i care about remembered, which is the most important thing in the end.
I just keep thinking, holy shit, i'm a year closer to finishing school forever. and then college, and work, and possibly falling in love and getting babies and all that jiz. The idea of all that being a mere two years away is just terrifying! I wish i didn't have to grow up at all. Most teens can't wait to get out of the house and work and be independent and stuff but honestly, I'm so scared of being alone. Out there. In the real world. Where people will do anything for money and when friends can turn into enemies. I just want to stay a child, you know, when we felt like the world couldnt touch us and the darkness of everything around us never tainted us. I miss that. A year ago, i was a girl who was completely random and i didnt really have so much self hate then. And now, a year later, look at me now. Maybe the same person on the outside but on the inside, it's just so crazy. I don't feel the same anymore. So much so that i can't even remember what it was like to be truly happy. Which is horrifying. And this is just teenhood. Imagine being an adult and having to go through so much more shit than we do now. Being screamed at by the boss, not being able to make enough money, things like that. My problems right now look so much more pettier than the problems of an adult.
Which is sad.
Well...i can't really think of anything else to post. so toodledoos!
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