2014: A Recap
Hello!
Well, it's the day before New Year's Eve. And soon enough, it'll be 2015. Just like that, I'll be in my last year of school, the year of my IGCSE's, the year I'll be turning 17, the year I have to start deciding what I want to do in the future…It scares me, it really does. Knowing that I still have the mentality of a 12 year old and I'm expected to make life choices, good ones, that'll shape my whole future? It makes me wanna pee my pants a bit. Okay, not to that extent. But you know what I mean.
Since 2014 is ending, I thought it'd be fitting of me to do a recap of my year, like I seem to do every year. So, here goes nothing:
2014
This was the year I moved schools from Sri Aman to TISKL. At first, I thought that moving to TISKL was a mistake. I didn't want to leave my friends in Sri Aman. They meant everything to me. and for the first few weeks in TISKL, those were the kind of thoughts that I allowed to plague my mind. Looking back now, I feel like such a whiney bitch. There I was, offered a new environment, new knowledge, new friends and a new beginning, and instead of taking that opportunity and making the best out of it, i decided to look at the negative side of things and refused to allow myself to settle down in TISKL. Which was incredibly stupid, because not everybody gets offered opportunities like that. Lesson 1 learnt from 2014: Appreciate what you have and make the best out of every situation you are in.
The year went by and I warmed up a bit. I started making friends and not being such a loner by refraining from isolating myself in the library every break and lunchtime. As time passed, I found a group of friends I could be comfortable with. Ai Ming, Ming Ee, Ashley and Jasmine. They were really great, they actually allowed a loser newbie like me to hang out with them, and we bonded haha. And as I felt more secure then, having friends to hang out with, I started feeling more secure academically, I guess. I mean, I was still the pathetic dumbo who wasn't particularly bright, but I did try. and I focused in class, and I found myself actually enjoying what was being thought, which never used to happen back in Sri Aman. I realized that I never really focused in class back in Sri Aman, my mind was always wandering and I always made the fact that I knew that everyone else was smarter than me a priority, instead of actually absorbing what I was learning. Which is bad. Lesson 2 learnt from 2014: Don't ever make studying about competition or 'who's the smartest/dumbest'. Always make it about wanting to learn whatever you can and genuinely being interested in what you study. Revising is easier when you actually like what you're studying.
Having established a firm front socially and academically, I started to enjoy myself in school. I became the weird, kooky, loser who enjoyed making everyone laugh by doing random and stupid shit once more. I genuinely felt like myself again. The dark thoughts in my mind weren't the main thing my other thoughts were revolving around anymore, they were cast aside to the back of my mind and I felt like for the first time in a very long time, I could breathe properly, and it felt really good. It allowed myself to open up a bit. I was even starting to let go of some things (or someone) little by little and I was having fun! There were still dark days, trust me, but when it was day time, I tried my best to really absorb the sunlight and do the best that I could with my day. I felt like I was living, instead of just existing. Somewhere along that period of my 'being-able-to breathe-better-without-the-dark-thoughts-thing' came along a one of a kind boy who, for some reason, was interested in me, and asked me to prom. That boy is currently my boyfriend, Maizad. I'm telling ya, for a girl who never seemed to even get a second glance from anyone of the opposite gender ever, this was a real shocker. It was unexpected. And I struggled with trying to grasp the concept, because the dark thoughts came back, planting notions like i didn't deserve him in my head, or that I didn't deserve happiness, and that if I ended up falling for Maizad, I'd just end up heartbroken anyway because nobody could love a person like me. But I decided that, fuck it, I do deserve happiness. I'm human and I'm not a monster and I deserve to be happy. and I decided to stick with Maizad and learn to fall for him, And here we are, six months later, and he's my lovely boyfriend who takes care of my heart better than i do. I love him so much, it's crazy. I still feel like I don't deserve him, but as long as he still wants me around I will make sure that i give him reasons to stay with me. Because I want him around for the long run and I can't see myself ever not loving him. Lesson 3 learnt from 2014: Don't be scared of falling in love and getting your heart broken. Sometimes, the risk is worth it. Other times, your heart was meant to be broken, and to be found by another person who's more than willing to help you fix your heart up. Time heals all wounds, it really does. Being patient truly pays off, and as I always say, it really does get better. Maybe not instantly, but it will, in time.
The year passed by in an enjoyably slow pace for me, June, July, August, September and November came and went. All those months filled with moments, bad ones, good ones, first ones, but all throughout, I found myself making sense of things I didn't understand before. Like how I used to cry and wonder why my days were always bad, now I understand that it's not always bad. Just like how flowers bloom and then they rot, and every storm comes to an end, nothing lasts forever. Not sadness, not happiness, not bad times or good times, not even love. (and this is coming from a girl who is very much in love) Love ends the day we die, sad times end when happiness arrives, bad days are ceased when good days are ensued. Life is a cycle. Everything that starts will end at one point. There's nothing we can do about it. What we CAN do, is make the best out of it while we can. Similar to how countries with four season work, when it's summer, they use the sunlight to their advantage and do barbecues and harness sunlight for solar energy (science bitch) and go to the beach and have picnics. When winter comes they play with the snow, or sell winter jackets or go skiing. And they just find something about the season to benefit them. Which is what WE should do about our life, when bad days come, make full use of it by writing or expressing yourself by painting or finding out how to cheer yourself up. When good days come, spread your happiness to people who need it, soak up the sunlight, do what you normally do. Take a situation and make it your own by finding something about the situation to benefit yourself. That's the best way to deal with how life works. That's what I've come to realize, anyway.
2014 was a good year for me. I gained a lot of lessons out of it, and I learnt who to cut out of my life and who to keep in it. I learnt how to try and see the positive side of things. and most importantly, I learnt how to let go. Also, i had great memories this year! From memories with Maizad, hugging cookie monster at school, playing netball (and sucking really badly) with Ai Ming (who definitely did not suck)(she's a superb sports star), having deep talks with Ming Ee, Chuckles for Charity at Sri Aman and later, Hari K as well. Basically, I think I'll be leaving 2014 with a very heavy heart, but no matter how tough next year is, I will keep what I've learnt from 2014 in my heart and trudge through the year with my head held high. I'm confident that I'll make 2015 the best that I can, despite it being probably the busiest and strenuous year of my life. I know I can handle it, as long as I've got my love, my mum and my friends beside me. And I'll always do my best to make them proud.
Happy New year to anyone reading and here's to a great 2015! :)
Well, it's the day before New Year's Eve. And soon enough, it'll be 2015. Just like that, I'll be in my last year of school, the year of my IGCSE's, the year I'll be turning 17, the year I have to start deciding what I want to do in the future…It scares me, it really does. Knowing that I still have the mentality of a 12 year old and I'm expected to make life choices, good ones, that'll shape my whole future? It makes me wanna pee my pants a bit. Okay, not to that extent. But you know what I mean.
Since 2014 is ending, I thought it'd be fitting of me to do a recap of my year, like I seem to do every year. So, here goes nothing:
2014
This was the year I moved schools from Sri Aman to TISKL. At first, I thought that moving to TISKL was a mistake. I didn't want to leave my friends in Sri Aman. They meant everything to me. and for the first few weeks in TISKL, those were the kind of thoughts that I allowed to plague my mind. Looking back now, I feel like such a whiney bitch. There I was, offered a new environment, new knowledge, new friends and a new beginning, and instead of taking that opportunity and making the best out of it, i decided to look at the negative side of things and refused to allow myself to settle down in TISKL. Which was incredibly stupid, because not everybody gets offered opportunities like that. Lesson 1 learnt from 2014: Appreciate what you have and make the best out of every situation you are in.
The year went by and I warmed up a bit. I started making friends and not being such a loner by refraining from isolating myself in the library every break and lunchtime. As time passed, I found a group of friends I could be comfortable with. Ai Ming, Ming Ee, Ashley and Jasmine. They were really great, they actually allowed a loser newbie like me to hang out with them, and we bonded haha. And as I felt more secure then, having friends to hang out with, I started feeling more secure academically, I guess. I mean, I was still the pathetic dumbo who wasn't particularly bright, but I did try. and I focused in class, and I found myself actually enjoying what was being thought, which never used to happen back in Sri Aman. I realized that I never really focused in class back in Sri Aman, my mind was always wandering and I always made the fact that I knew that everyone else was smarter than me a priority, instead of actually absorbing what I was learning. Which is bad. Lesson 2 learnt from 2014: Don't ever make studying about competition or 'who's the smartest/dumbest'. Always make it about wanting to learn whatever you can and genuinely being interested in what you study. Revising is easier when you actually like what you're studying.
Having established a firm front socially and academically, I started to enjoy myself in school. I became the weird, kooky, loser who enjoyed making everyone laugh by doing random and stupid shit once more. I genuinely felt like myself again. The dark thoughts in my mind weren't the main thing my other thoughts were revolving around anymore, they were cast aside to the back of my mind and I felt like for the first time in a very long time, I could breathe properly, and it felt really good. It allowed myself to open up a bit. I was even starting to let go of some things (or someone) little by little and I was having fun! There were still dark days, trust me, but when it was day time, I tried my best to really absorb the sunlight and do the best that I could with my day. I felt like I was living, instead of just existing. Somewhere along that period of my 'being-able-to breathe-better-without-the-dark-thoughts-thing' came along a one of a kind boy who, for some reason, was interested in me, and asked me to prom. That boy is currently my boyfriend, Maizad. I'm telling ya, for a girl who never seemed to even get a second glance from anyone of the opposite gender ever, this was a real shocker. It was unexpected. And I struggled with trying to grasp the concept, because the dark thoughts came back, planting notions like i didn't deserve him in my head, or that I didn't deserve happiness, and that if I ended up falling for Maizad, I'd just end up heartbroken anyway because nobody could love a person like me. But I decided that, fuck it, I do deserve happiness. I'm human and I'm not a monster and I deserve to be happy. and I decided to stick with Maizad and learn to fall for him, And here we are, six months later, and he's my lovely boyfriend who takes care of my heart better than i do. I love him so much, it's crazy. I still feel like I don't deserve him, but as long as he still wants me around I will make sure that i give him reasons to stay with me. Because I want him around for the long run and I can't see myself ever not loving him. Lesson 3 learnt from 2014: Don't be scared of falling in love and getting your heart broken. Sometimes, the risk is worth it. Other times, your heart was meant to be broken, and to be found by another person who's more than willing to help you fix your heart up. Time heals all wounds, it really does. Being patient truly pays off, and as I always say, it really does get better. Maybe not instantly, but it will, in time.
The year passed by in an enjoyably slow pace for me, June, July, August, September and November came and went. All those months filled with moments, bad ones, good ones, first ones, but all throughout, I found myself making sense of things I didn't understand before. Like how I used to cry and wonder why my days were always bad, now I understand that it's not always bad. Just like how flowers bloom and then they rot, and every storm comes to an end, nothing lasts forever. Not sadness, not happiness, not bad times or good times, not even love. (and this is coming from a girl who is very much in love) Love ends the day we die, sad times end when happiness arrives, bad days are ceased when good days are ensued. Life is a cycle. Everything that starts will end at one point. There's nothing we can do about it. What we CAN do, is make the best out of it while we can. Similar to how countries with four season work, when it's summer, they use the sunlight to their advantage and do barbecues and harness sunlight for solar energy (science bitch) and go to the beach and have picnics. When winter comes they play with the snow, or sell winter jackets or go skiing. And they just find something about the season to benefit them. Which is what WE should do about our life, when bad days come, make full use of it by writing or expressing yourself by painting or finding out how to cheer yourself up. When good days come, spread your happiness to people who need it, soak up the sunlight, do what you normally do. Take a situation and make it your own by finding something about the situation to benefit yourself. That's the best way to deal with how life works. That's what I've come to realize, anyway.
2014 was a good year for me. I gained a lot of lessons out of it, and I learnt who to cut out of my life and who to keep in it. I learnt how to try and see the positive side of things. and most importantly, I learnt how to let go. Also, i had great memories this year! From memories with Maizad, hugging cookie monster at school, playing netball (and sucking really badly) with Ai Ming (who definitely did not suck)(she's a superb sports star), having deep talks with Ming Ee, Chuckles for Charity at Sri Aman and later, Hari K as well. Basically, I think I'll be leaving 2014 with a very heavy heart, but no matter how tough next year is, I will keep what I've learnt from 2014 in my heart and trudge through the year with my head held high. I'm confident that I'll make 2015 the best that I can, despite it being probably the busiest and strenuous year of my life. I know I can handle it, as long as I've got my love, my mum and my friends beside me. And I'll always do my best to make them proud.
Happy New year to anyone reading and here's to a great 2015! :)
I knew that inspiration didn't go anywhere. Great piece, Eisyah :)
ReplyDeleteIt's because you're my inspiration, love :) Thank you, Maizad ♡
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