Love and Soulmates
do you believe in soulmates?
I do. I believe I've met my soulmate. Prior to meeting him, I had this fantasy of what loving your soulmate was like. He was the one who was made for you, you fit together in every way, you'll meet them, sparks will fly and everything will start to make sense. And the rest of your life falls into place because you finally found "the one"
Now that i've actually met my soulmate, i know that it's not like that at all.
You see, i've come to discover that your soulmate isnt necessarily the one you spend the rest of your life with. And it certainly doesnt mean that he/she is the right one for you.
Let me tell you a story.
I met a boy. I was shy, although not many people would agree, i had trouble socialising with people right off the bat. It was hard for me to find people i could easily connect with. Easy to talk to, sure. But connecting with someone... that usually takes me a while. But not with this boy. I met up with him, and we talked and laughed like we'd known each other forever. He bought me ice cream and starbucks and we just...talked. There was no awkwardness. Just that feeling in my heart, that made me feel like i found my home. I didnt fall in love with him. I found the love that was always meant for him, and only him, inside of myself. And i loved him. God, did i love him. I loved him with my entire being. I loved him in ways i never knew you could love someone. He just felt like home. Every second and minute i spent apart from him, i spent yearning his presence. I wanted to be with him, all the time. I ditched my friends just to spend time with him. I spent money just to travel to his place even though it was expensive and i was broke as hell. My hands fit in his so well, like two puzzle pieces. It wasnt anything about the way he looked, or who he was. It was just him. His soul. It was so effortlessly compatible with mine. I still cant fully explain why exactly i feel like he's my soulmate, but all i know is that I was made for him and he was made for me.
But, just because he was my soulmate it doesn't mean he was meant to be with me. And it doesn't mean that he was the right one for me. Once i started loving him i started seeing the danger in loving your soulmate. I felt everything, with him. His anger was my anger, his sadness was my sadness and his happiness was my happiness. I hurt when he hurt. It was so bad, it got to the extent where whenever i got worried about him, (which was often) I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I'd start panicking, my body would start shaking with anxiety. And when he made me angry, i'd see flashes of red in my eyes. I could feel my blood boiling. When he made me sad I could feel my heart being ripped apart. And when i left him, everytime i saw him walking around campus, i'd freeze, and my breath will start to quicken. I'd feel the tears start welling up in my eyes and i'd always have to excuse myself to run off somewhere else because i couldn't hide my panic attacks.
You see, love is blind. He hurt me. multiple times, in multiple ways. And i always made excuses for him. I did things for him that i felt like i had to do in order to keep him happy. Its like whenever i was around him i went into this mode where i aligned my actions to what i knew would make him happy. But one false move, one wrong word, could set him off. And when he got angry...he got really angry. I was constantly tiptoe-ing around him, afraid of one small slip up. And because of how much i loved him, it hurt so fucking bad. But no matter what happened, no matter how bad i knew he was for me, i would always find my way back to him. It was like there was this invisible string that tied me to him, and i just couldn't cut myself loose. People have this assumption that when you find your soulmate, everything is easy. And yeah, i agree, loving your soulmate feels easy because you don't feel like you're forcing it out. But you're almost always never lucky enough to find your soulmate at the right time, the right situation, the right mindset.
I still call him my soulmate now, even though we haven't spoken in months, and whatever we had with each other is pretty much over, because even through all the shitty things he's done to me, i still care deeply about him.
- i've had this in my drafts for a while so i thought i should just publish it instead of letting it rot in my drafts, but i just really cant seem to finish this post properly. talking about it still affects me, i guess, so, apologies for the abrupt ending.
I do. I believe I've met my soulmate. Prior to meeting him, I had this fantasy of what loving your soulmate was like. He was the one who was made for you, you fit together in every way, you'll meet them, sparks will fly and everything will start to make sense. And the rest of your life falls into place because you finally found "the one"
Now that i've actually met my soulmate, i know that it's not like that at all.
You see, i've come to discover that your soulmate isnt necessarily the one you spend the rest of your life with. And it certainly doesnt mean that he/she is the right one for you.
Let me tell you a story.
I met a boy. I was shy, although not many people would agree, i had trouble socialising with people right off the bat. It was hard for me to find people i could easily connect with. Easy to talk to, sure. But connecting with someone... that usually takes me a while. But not with this boy. I met up with him, and we talked and laughed like we'd known each other forever. He bought me ice cream and starbucks and we just...talked. There was no awkwardness. Just that feeling in my heart, that made me feel like i found my home. I didnt fall in love with him. I found the love that was always meant for him, and only him, inside of myself. And i loved him. God, did i love him. I loved him with my entire being. I loved him in ways i never knew you could love someone. He just felt like home. Every second and minute i spent apart from him, i spent yearning his presence. I wanted to be with him, all the time. I ditched my friends just to spend time with him. I spent money just to travel to his place even though it was expensive and i was broke as hell. My hands fit in his so well, like two puzzle pieces. It wasnt anything about the way he looked, or who he was. It was just him. His soul. It was so effortlessly compatible with mine. I still cant fully explain why exactly i feel like he's my soulmate, but all i know is that I was made for him and he was made for me.
But, just because he was my soulmate it doesn't mean he was meant to be with me. And it doesn't mean that he was the right one for me. Once i started loving him i started seeing the danger in loving your soulmate. I felt everything, with him. His anger was my anger, his sadness was my sadness and his happiness was my happiness. I hurt when he hurt. It was so bad, it got to the extent where whenever i got worried about him, (which was often) I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I'd start panicking, my body would start shaking with anxiety. And when he made me angry, i'd see flashes of red in my eyes. I could feel my blood boiling. When he made me sad I could feel my heart being ripped apart. And when i left him, everytime i saw him walking around campus, i'd freeze, and my breath will start to quicken. I'd feel the tears start welling up in my eyes and i'd always have to excuse myself to run off somewhere else because i couldn't hide my panic attacks.
You see, love is blind. He hurt me. multiple times, in multiple ways. And i always made excuses for him. I did things for him that i felt like i had to do in order to keep him happy. Its like whenever i was around him i went into this mode where i aligned my actions to what i knew would make him happy. But one false move, one wrong word, could set him off. And when he got angry...he got really angry. I was constantly tiptoe-ing around him, afraid of one small slip up. And because of how much i loved him, it hurt so fucking bad. But no matter what happened, no matter how bad i knew he was for me, i would always find my way back to him. It was like there was this invisible string that tied me to him, and i just couldn't cut myself loose. People have this assumption that when you find your soulmate, everything is easy. And yeah, i agree, loving your soulmate feels easy because you don't feel like you're forcing it out. But you're almost always never lucky enough to find your soulmate at the right time, the right situation, the right mindset.
I still call him my soulmate now, even though we haven't spoken in months, and whatever we had with each other is pretty much over, because even through all the shitty things he's done to me, i still care deeply about him.
- i've had this in my drafts for a while so i thought i should just publish it instead of letting it rot in my drafts, but i just really cant seem to finish this post properly. talking about it still affects me, i guess, so, apologies for the abrupt ending.
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