The Art of Moving On
Moving on is hard.
It has always been and always will be one of the most difficult things in life for me. Not just moving on from a break up, or from someone you love, but from failures, and traumas that haunt you for the rest of your life.
In the past month i've had to move on from quite a lot of things. Someone i loved and someone else i thought i loved and how much the way he treated me had scarred me without me even realizing it until i got slapped in the face with the bare, naked truth. I've had to move on from failure, and from other people's mistakes.
But in this post i'm just going to zoom in on the art of moving on from someone you love(d)
I've been through two break ups in my brief 19 years of living. And another break up that wasnt really a break up but sure as hell felt like one. All of them hurt like a motherfucker. You'd think it would get easier with each one, but in reality, each one felt worst than the last. All of them felt like something i'd never get over, i was convinced the pain and the sorrow would drown me and i'd never be able to come out of it.
But i did.
And i guess that must count for something.
Break ups are the worst. Surely, right after one, you don't see the point of it. You don't see how hurting that bad could ever be for the good. Your mind is filled with a thousand thoughts, and unanswered questions, like, "how could he do this to me?" or "why doesn't he want me anymore?" or "how could he give up on us just like that?"
A merry-go-round of thoughts like that would circulate over and over in your head.
And the heartache. oh, the heartache.
It burns. You can feel someone soldering a big fat hole into your heart. This invisible pain no one can see, yet, it makes your stomach turn inside out, your lungs feel crushed under the weight of the ache. You're constantly screaming in your head, trying to get someone to notice, "help me." "it hurts." But no one hears you. You're an overflowing well of tears, constantly either crying, or on the verge of it. It's hard to stop once you've started crying. You run to the toilet to throw up nothing, because you haven't eaten, you've lost your appetite, but you feel so sick. And all throughout, that 500 tonne weight on your chest never leaves you alone.
I know, that when you're there, in the midst of heartache that painful, it seems like it'll never end. You promise yourself, you'll never love again if loving means pain like that. You'll think that it's completely impossible to move on, You can't imagine a moment where you wont love him anymore for it to hurt like that.
Let me tell you something.
Pain like that will pass.
The heartache you're going through wont last forever, no matter how much you believe it will.
Days will pass, and every day, you'll heal, bit by bit. You'll learn to put the pain at the back of your mind until you get to that one day where, it doesnt hurt so much, or at all, to revisit it.
Heartache will show you pain you've never felt before, but it will make you so much stronger when you come out of it.
Now, the art of moving on is simple. In my opinion, there are three major elements that moving on comprises of.
1) Distract
2) Support
3) Express
These are the 3 things that helped me move on. Of course, moving on is subjective. I'm only speaking from my own point of view, and my own experience of moving on.
Distract
The pain of heartache seems like a lot to bear, and, especially when it's still recent, you'll find yourself mulling over the what ifs, the what could've beens. You'll be so tempted to grab your phone and call him up to fix things, although, there's nothing left to fix. You'll be tempted to do a lot of things that you shouldnt do, and the only way to stop yourself is by distracting yourself. Distract yourself with things you usually enjoy doing (although admittedly its hard to enjoy things when it feels like you're being stabbed in the heart repeatedly with a hot knife) Movies, books, twitter, instagram, or even tinder. Just try to make yourself busy so that you'll have no room to be thinking about your heartache. The more you distract yourself, the less you'll be hung up on it.
Support
This is one of the most important elements, and, if you're like me, the type who doesn't usually open up to people and dislikes asking for help, this might seem a little hard. But its crucial that you let someone in. Go to your friends. Talk to them about it. Call them up, cry, blubber out whatever's in your head. If they're good friends, they'd listen, and be there for you. Of course, sometimes, they don't say what you need to hear, but honestly, do you even know what it is you want to hear? You just need someone to talk to. Someone who'll listen. You'd be surprised by how much it helps to reach out to someone and have them be there for you. Personally, the support i had from my friends through my heartaches have helped me immensely. It's always better to realize you're not alone, and that, even though you lost someone you loved dearly, you still have a bunch of other people who love you and care for you, and are willing to be there for you.
Express
This one's pretty important too. I'm the type who likes to bottle up my feelings. I don't open up to a lot of people, because i feel like i'm burdening them. So i keep my feelings inside an internal, figurative box. I fill it up to the brim, sometimes to point where its so full it's on the verge of exploding. And then i do, explode. I lash out, the emotions come rushing down on me all at once. It's not a pretty sight and it's almost always the reason why i have mental breakdowns. So please, for your own sake, let it out, in any way possible. Talk it out, draw it out, write it out, turn your thoughts and complex feelings into poetry. Make art. Sing. Redecorate your room. Do something to get your feelings and thoughts out of you. Do not keep it in. If you do, it'll be a lot like leaving spoiled food in your system and letting the toxins from it's decay poison you slowly. It's not healthy. If you find it hard to talk to someone about it, just write it down on a piece of paper, and throw it away. Anything, just to get it out of your system. The more you let it out, and process whatever it is that you feel, the lighter you'll end up feeling.
~ I'm not a professional counselor or anything like that, so, obviously, this isn't the best instruction manual in the world, but this is what worked for me when i was moving on. ~
I think that i have moved on from this recent break up...not to anyone else or anything in particular. I've just, sort of, made my peace with it. I accept how things are, and i know that i cant go back. I just want to move forward. Of course though, i still love that boy. Just in a different way. I care about him and i still only want the best for him, which sadly, i wasn't. But i really do hope he finds the best for himself. one day. But right now, i'm at that point where i'm genuinely okay with how things are.
Although, it does feel sort of strange. Ever since i was sixteen, I've always been in love with someone. I've never really had that gap where i wasn't in love with someone. So it feels weird, to not be having any major feelings for anyone at the moment. I guess it's because i'm so used to loving, and giving, that it feels odd not having anyone to give my love to. It feels...not like myself. But then again, i don't really know who i am, exactly. Maybe im convinced im a lover and a hopeless romantic because i've never had a break from loving someone. So maybe it's time for me to find out what i'm like when there's no one for me to give this love to.
To wrap this post up, I'd just like to tell all the guys and gals out there who are going through heartache that, it's gonna be okay. Really. Time heals all wounds, even one as painful as heartache. Take it day by day, make yourself busy, take care of yourself, talk to your friends, drink a lot of water, express your feelings with art or whatever you're comfortable with. Put yourself first. You're so incredibly strong for still being here, throughout all the bullshit life throws at you. And, really, you'll be alright.
xx
Haysie
It has always been and always will be one of the most difficult things in life for me. Not just moving on from a break up, or from someone you love, but from failures, and traumas that haunt you for the rest of your life.
In the past month i've had to move on from quite a lot of things. Someone i loved and someone else i thought i loved and how much the way he treated me had scarred me without me even realizing it until i got slapped in the face with the bare, naked truth. I've had to move on from failure, and from other people's mistakes.
But in this post i'm just going to zoom in on the art of moving on from someone you love(d)
I've been through two break ups in my brief 19 years of living. And another break up that wasnt really a break up but sure as hell felt like one. All of them hurt like a motherfucker. You'd think it would get easier with each one, but in reality, each one felt worst than the last. All of them felt like something i'd never get over, i was convinced the pain and the sorrow would drown me and i'd never be able to come out of it.
But i did.
And i guess that must count for something.
Break ups are the worst. Surely, right after one, you don't see the point of it. You don't see how hurting that bad could ever be for the good. Your mind is filled with a thousand thoughts, and unanswered questions, like, "how could he do this to me?" or "why doesn't he want me anymore?" or "how could he give up on us just like that?"
A merry-go-round of thoughts like that would circulate over and over in your head.
And the heartache. oh, the heartache.
It burns. You can feel someone soldering a big fat hole into your heart. This invisible pain no one can see, yet, it makes your stomach turn inside out, your lungs feel crushed under the weight of the ache. You're constantly screaming in your head, trying to get someone to notice, "help me." "it hurts." But no one hears you. You're an overflowing well of tears, constantly either crying, or on the verge of it. It's hard to stop once you've started crying. You run to the toilet to throw up nothing, because you haven't eaten, you've lost your appetite, but you feel so sick. And all throughout, that 500 tonne weight on your chest never leaves you alone.
I know, that when you're there, in the midst of heartache that painful, it seems like it'll never end. You promise yourself, you'll never love again if loving means pain like that. You'll think that it's completely impossible to move on, You can't imagine a moment where you wont love him anymore for it to hurt like that.
Let me tell you something.
Pain like that will pass.
The heartache you're going through wont last forever, no matter how much you believe it will.
Days will pass, and every day, you'll heal, bit by bit. You'll learn to put the pain at the back of your mind until you get to that one day where, it doesnt hurt so much, or at all, to revisit it.
Heartache will show you pain you've never felt before, but it will make you so much stronger when you come out of it.
Now, the art of moving on is simple. In my opinion, there are three major elements that moving on comprises of.
1) Distract
2) Support
3) Express
These are the 3 things that helped me move on. Of course, moving on is subjective. I'm only speaking from my own point of view, and my own experience of moving on.
Distract
The pain of heartache seems like a lot to bear, and, especially when it's still recent, you'll find yourself mulling over the what ifs, the what could've beens. You'll be so tempted to grab your phone and call him up to fix things, although, there's nothing left to fix. You'll be tempted to do a lot of things that you shouldnt do, and the only way to stop yourself is by distracting yourself. Distract yourself with things you usually enjoy doing (although admittedly its hard to enjoy things when it feels like you're being stabbed in the heart repeatedly with a hot knife) Movies, books, twitter, instagram, or even tinder. Just try to make yourself busy so that you'll have no room to be thinking about your heartache. The more you distract yourself, the less you'll be hung up on it.
Support
This is one of the most important elements, and, if you're like me, the type who doesn't usually open up to people and dislikes asking for help, this might seem a little hard. But its crucial that you let someone in. Go to your friends. Talk to them about it. Call them up, cry, blubber out whatever's in your head. If they're good friends, they'd listen, and be there for you. Of course, sometimes, they don't say what you need to hear, but honestly, do you even know what it is you want to hear? You just need someone to talk to. Someone who'll listen. You'd be surprised by how much it helps to reach out to someone and have them be there for you. Personally, the support i had from my friends through my heartaches have helped me immensely. It's always better to realize you're not alone, and that, even though you lost someone you loved dearly, you still have a bunch of other people who love you and care for you, and are willing to be there for you.
Express
This one's pretty important too. I'm the type who likes to bottle up my feelings. I don't open up to a lot of people, because i feel like i'm burdening them. So i keep my feelings inside an internal, figurative box. I fill it up to the brim, sometimes to point where its so full it's on the verge of exploding. And then i do, explode. I lash out, the emotions come rushing down on me all at once. It's not a pretty sight and it's almost always the reason why i have mental breakdowns. So please, for your own sake, let it out, in any way possible. Talk it out, draw it out, write it out, turn your thoughts and complex feelings into poetry. Make art. Sing. Redecorate your room. Do something to get your feelings and thoughts out of you. Do not keep it in. If you do, it'll be a lot like leaving spoiled food in your system and letting the toxins from it's decay poison you slowly. It's not healthy. If you find it hard to talk to someone about it, just write it down on a piece of paper, and throw it away. Anything, just to get it out of your system. The more you let it out, and process whatever it is that you feel, the lighter you'll end up feeling.
~ I'm not a professional counselor or anything like that, so, obviously, this isn't the best instruction manual in the world, but this is what worked for me when i was moving on. ~
I think that i have moved on from this recent break up...not to anyone else or anything in particular. I've just, sort of, made my peace with it. I accept how things are, and i know that i cant go back. I just want to move forward. Of course though, i still love that boy. Just in a different way. I care about him and i still only want the best for him, which sadly, i wasn't. But i really do hope he finds the best for himself. one day. But right now, i'm at that point where i'm genuinely okay with how things are.
Although, it does feel sort of strange. Ever since i was sixteen, I've always been in love with someone. I've never really had that gap where i wasn't in love with someone. So it feels weird, to not be having any major feelings for anyone at the moment. I guess it's because i'm so used to loving, and giving, that it feels odd not having anyone to give my love to. It feels...not like myself. But then again, i don't really know who i am, exactly. Maybe im convinced im a lover and a hopeless romantic because i've never had a break from loving someone. So maybe it's time for me to find out what i'm like when there's no one for me to give this love to.
To wrap this post up, I'd just like to tell all the guys and gals out there who are going through heartache that, it's gonna be okay. Really. Time heals all wounds, even one as painful as heartache. Take it day by day, make yourself busy, take care of yourself, talk to your friends, drink a lot of water, express your feelings with art or whatever you're comfortable with. Put yourself first. You're so incredibly strong for still being here, throughout all the bullshit life throws at you. And, really, you'll be alright.
xx
Haysie
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