paro

2016. The year of realising things - Kylie Jenner. Everyone thought that that was such a bimbo statement but man, it couldn't have been more accurate. I learnt so much this year. Over the span of 12 months, I've managed to get my heart broken 2 weeks before my birthday. And then, I fell in love again, only to have it end with another hole in my heart. I started off the year, in a relationship, thinking that I was going to stay with that boy forever. I was so sure I was going to end up marrying him. Six months later, after weeks of feeling so unhappy with myself and just everything in general, I ended things with him. I could feel myself dragging him down with me, down a path I would never wish unto anyone, so I let him go because I knew that, God, that lovely boy deserved so much better than someone so broken, so selfish. The few weeks that followed were no doubt, terrible. I was lonely, and the worst part was that I was left alone with myself. I was forced to handle my own...

Hey you. How have you been? Its only been a few weeks but it feels like a lifetime has passed since you and me came to an end. Since then, its been a rollercoaster of emotions. At first, i hated you. I hated you with all my guts. I despised you for not fighting for me. I abhorred the fact that i didnt understand how you suddenly stopped loving me. You never said it out loud, but it was on the table. I couldn't comprehend why else you wouldnt stay. People only leave when they don't love you anymore. So i guess that might have been the reason you left without too much of a struggle. And then after the anger came the inexplicable sadness. Although i was the one who asked for the break up, it felt like i was the one being dumped. It seemed like it too. I was the only one who seemed to feel sad. I was the one consumed by it. All I could think about was just "where did i go wrong?" "Why doesnt he want me anymore?" "How do i fix this?" I couldnt stop thin...

Hello! Well, it's the day before New Year's Eve. And soon enough, it'll be 2015. Just like that, I'll be in my last year of school, the year of my IGCSE's, the year I'll be turning 17, the year I have to start deciding what I want to do in the future…It scares me, it really does. Knowing that I still have the mentality of a 12 year old and I'm expected to make life choices, good ones, that'll shape my whole future? It makes me wanna pee my pants a bit. Okay, not to that extent. But you know what I mean. Since 2014 is ending, I thought it'd be fitting of me to do a recap of my year, like I seem to do every year. So, here goes nothing: 2014 This was the year I moved schools from Sri Aman to TISKL. At first, I thought that moving to TISKL was a mistake. I didn't want to leave my friends in Sri Aman. They meant everything to me. and for the first few weeks in TISKL, those were the kind of thoughts that I allowed to plague my mind. Looking back now, I...

Hello! Finally 15. Nothing particularly big has changed, i literally expected something weird to happen when i woke up today. Idk, maybe a big bang? Fireworks saying "CONGRATS YOU'RE FIFTEEN"? Haha.  Zaharah was the first to wish me, which was awesome. and yeah. it was a good day. Alhamdulillah. Another year of being alive. Although i dont see what's so celebratory about that. I didn't get cake, which was quite disappointing. But i got presents and most of the people i care about remembered, which is the most important thing in the end. I just keep thinking, holy shit, i'm a year closer to finishing school forever. and then college, and work, and possibly falling in love and getting babies and all that jiz. The idea of all that being a mere two years away is just terrifying! I wish i didn't have to grow up at all. Most teens can't wait to get out of the house and work and be independent and stuff but honestly, I'm so scared of being alone. Out ...