R.I.P to the girl you used to see, her days are over.
Hello.
I know i rarely blog, i've always wanted to, but i never have time, and its not exactly nice to type a one whole blog post with an ipod. I've decided that once i get my laptop (((Hopefully!!)) I will blog more often since there will be practically nothing to do when I move..
I've been feeling so messed up lately. My emotions are just so bipolar idk what to feel, why i feel that way. i'm trying to figure it out and i hope that typing it out will help me.
First of all, i feel sad. Sad, because so many things are changing just way too fast. It's overwhelming and i feel like i can't keep up with the stream of modifications i have to do to my life right now. People are changing, places are changing....Too much change. And i've never really been a big fan of change anyway.
I just want to close my eyes and just sleep, until everything passes. But, i know that avoiding a problem never helps and i'll only make everything worse.
Second, i feel...bad. I feel like a horrible person, and i know judging by the things that i've done, i am one, but i really want to change. I've been trying to be better and nicer and not judgemental, but sometimes...people just keep bringing up the past and it haunts you, and you feel horrible all over again and you just want to scream your head off and punch yourself for being such a terrible person. So, you end up being a moody, emo person and everyone including your friends avoid you. So in order to keep your friends, you smile, your pretend everything's fine, when inside, really, you're slowly wasting away.
Plus, i have been getting myself into a lot of arguments. I dont usually win but sometimes even I myself am surprised by what i say when i'm fighting with someone. I don't feel guilty, not at all. I don't pick a fight with anybody for no reason. But ya know...who wouldn't feel bad when you say hurtful things to others?
I also feel angry. I get angry a lot nowadays. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. I'll just be thinking then suddenly...WHAM! A wave of anger crashes into me, and i just spend the day seething and silently cursing everything in my mind. That's not a good thing to do at all, but I do it.
Sometimes i wonder why i can easily give advice to others but i can't even listen to my own advice.
SO yeah..basically a wrap of how i feel..ugh.
Anyway today we had a bicara irama thingy, and our class got third place! :D how awesome!!! Totally unexpected hahaahahahha. And then after school I stayed back to practice for tomorrow's sajak competition, and we (Karmen, Shaza, Stephanie, Afiqah, Syaqeerah, Anis, Nisa, Shamien, Sarah, Shafina) had loads of fun :D took pictures of ourselves lulz. Tonmorrow is the pertandingan sajak and i'm acting as the ketua tentera Melayu hahaah me! Can you imagine :p haha Anyway hopefully i can blog tomorrow and if i can i'll post some pics from tomorrow~
Bye, see ya, love ya :)
E.
P.S: Can someone edit my blog so that it'll become beautiful and all? I suck at designing and frankly, my blog looks dull :p
P.P.S: I used colour only towards the end cuz that's the only part that doesn't seem so depressing,.
I know i rarely blog, i've always wanted to, but i never have time, and its not exactly nice to type a one whole blog post with an ipod. I've decided that once i get my laptop (((Hopefully!!)) I will blog more often since there will be practically nothing to do when I move..
I've been feeling so messed up lately. My emotions are just so bipolar idk what to feel, why i feel that way. i'm trying to figure it out and i hope that typing it out will help me.
First of all, i feel sad. Sad, because so many things are changing just way too fast. It's overwhelming and i feel like i can't keep up with the stream of modifications i have to do to my life right now. People are changing, places are changing....Too much change. And i've never really been a big fan of change anyway.
I just want to close my eyes and just sleep, until everything passes. But, i know that avoiding a problem never helps and i'll only make everything worse.
Second, i feel...bad. I feel like a horrible person, and i know judging by the things that i've done, i am one, but i really want to change. I've been trying to be better and nicer and not judgemental, but sometimes...people just keep bringing up the past and it haunts you, and you feel horrible all over again and you just want to scream your head off and punch yourself for being such a terrible person. So, you end up being a moody, emo person and everyone including your friends avoid you. So in order to keep your friends, you smile, your pretend everything's fine, when inside, really, you're slowly wasting away.
Plus, i have been getting myself into a lot of arguments. I dont usually win but sometimes even I myself am surprised by what i say when i'm fighting with someone. I don't feel guilty, not at all. I don't pick a fight with anybody for no reason. But ya know...who wouldn't feel bad when you say hurtful things to others?
I also feel angry. I get angry a lot nowadays. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. I'll just be thinking then suddenly...WHAM! A wave of anger crashes into me, and i just spend the day seething and silently cursing everything in my mind. That's not a good thing to do at all, but I do it.
Sometimes i wonder why i can easily give advice to others but i can't even listen to my own advice.
SO yeah..basically a wrap of how i feel..ugh.
Anyway today we had a bicara irama thingy, and our class got third place! :D how awesome!!! Totally unexpected hahaahahahha. And then after school I stayed back to practice for tomorrow's sajak competition, and we (Karmen, Shaza, Stephanie, Afiqah, Syaqeerah, Anis, Nisa, Shamien, Sarah, Shafina) had loads of fun :D took pictures of ourselves lulz. Tonmorrow is the pertandingan sajak and i'm acting as the ketua tentera Melayu hahaah me! Can you imagine :p haha Anyway hopefully i can blog tomorrow and if i can i'll post some pics from tomorrow~
Bye, see ya, love ya :)
E.
P.S: Can someone edit my blog so that it'll become beautiful and all? I suck at designing and frankly, my blog looks dull :p
P.P.S: I used colour only towards the end cuz that's the only part that doesn't seem so depressing,.
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